Have you every heard the language of your heart spoken with a clarity that astounded you, and made you feel a sudden rush of validation and belonging?
Have you ever been given the gift of a dream fulfilled that felt too big to even voice?
I have, and it has absolutely ruined me for anything less.
It was only after much inner wrestling that I turned it down.
We come to these crossroads in life, choices that must be made. As much as we would like a big green arrow pointing to the path we should take, we find that it’s not as clear as we’d like, and either direction feels risky. For me it felt riskier, scarier even, to say no than to say yes, for saying no was to embrace a year of the unknown and endless possibilities.
There wasn’t complete peace to go (and the Father leads me in peace and joy), so without fully understanding or being able to acutely articulate my reasoning, I made the choice not to return. A choice I questioned for months following, and yet I could not shake the deep knowing that it wouldn’t have been right to say “yes” and that one day I would know why.
I have watched these months at home in Virginia be sweeter than I could have hoped. I have taken risks and seen exponential growth. I have come more alive, and I have tasted of the faithfulness of Jesus.
I had this moment in January, as I sat back reflecting on the year before giving thanks for all the beautiful things that had happened, when I was struck with the reality that I was healthier, more confident, and more whole than ever before in my life. I was thriving. So, with my next breath I asked myself the question, “What do I want?” (in life/what are my goals/what’s important to me). In a matter of moments, the answer rose to my lips without effort as if from deep inside me, and I said aloud,
“I want to be a part of something that I believe in with my whole heart, something that’s bigger than me, and I want to do it in the context of family”
(The words Family and Community being interchangeable here.)
Wow. That wasn’t so hard! I do know myself!
Seeking further formal education and moving toward becoming successful in a career are things I have very seriously considered in these months at home. After all, it’s what many choose, and it comes highly recommended! However, I knew in that moment that pursuing success in that way wasn’t what I wanted most. It wasn’t my chief concern, and it wasn’t to be the next thing I gave myself to. I had my answer.
I have learned that the Father is joyful in nature. He leads with joy and peace and therefore, joy is my compass. I can trust joy, and I had felt zero joy about all the higher education avenues I had investigated.
So now the question was, “what do I believe in with my whole heart?” It was silly to even ask because I knew. No place had impacted my life as profoundly and deeply as the ministries of A Place for the Heart, and never before had I so believed in what I was doing as when I served the 18 Inch Journey.
But wait! I had said no to the internship. Unlike the schools I attended there, the internship is not something you simply apply for, you must be invited and I had turned down that invitation.
I kept this desire quiet in my heart with the Lord. I didn’t know what these feelings meant. If anything I should feel closure because the door was shut… but I didn’t.
Then Jesus did what only He could do. :)
In August, I am moving to Sophia, North Carolina to intern at A Place for the Heart for 1 year. The offer was made to me again and I was blown away!
The timing was right and my heart felt incredible amounts of joy. I had laid this down in obedience to what I felt I was suppose to do, and now it has been given back! Oh the Father is so kind! I needed time to know what I really wanted and now I know.
With peace and clarity I said “Yes!” Yes to giving the next year of my life to serve this ministry simply because I love it. There is nothing I would rather be doing.
I have a need that I know only some of you would be in a position to help me with, but I’m going to give this space to sharing it with you.
This internship is volunteer. Yep, that’s right. A year of making no money.
My costs will amount to about $350 a month. That’s a total of $4200.
Given that I have been working and saving these past months, I am well on my way, however, that was before my car was totaled.
I have been using a loaner vehicle for the past 2 months from the incredible family I have been nannying for, but I need my own car, and soon!
I’m also in need of a computer. I have one that were I to describe all it’s issues, I might need to write another blog, but in short, it’s not equipped to meet my needs going into this next year as I hope to do more writing and need a place to back up my phone. (It randomly turned off as I was writing this, and I lost a good portion of what I typed!)
To recap, I need a car, a new computer, and $4200 in two months. I believe it’s possible.
If you feel joy about supporting me with a one-time gift or monthly, here are a few payment options:
1. Write a check made out to Brigitte Bell and mail to: 4220 McDaniel Rd. Bedford, VA 24523
(Mail to 4228 Beckerdite Rd, Sophia, NC 27350 anytime after August 1ST as I will no longer be living in Virginia)
2. Give via Paypal to firstname.lastname@example.org
Tax deductible option:
Write a check made out to “A Place for the Heart” and write on a separate note that it is for Brigitte Bell NOT on the memo line. Mail to: 4228 Beckerdite Rd., Sophia, NC 27350
For more information about this ministry, go to: http://www.aplacefortheheart.org/